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“The greatest discovery in life is self-discovery. Until you find yourself you will always be someone else. Become yourself.” — Myles Munroe
You’ve probably heard the advice – ‘Know thyself’. When it comes to the self-discovery journey, I personally think that’s the one major overarching point at the center. There’re a number of problems we face that stem from not knowing ourselves well enough. One of such problem is the comparison trap. That’s where you, being oblivious to your own gifts/talents, envy others and wish you possessed their own gifts and talents. Meanwhile, you are just as equally gifted and talented as the person you envy but you just haven’t identified your own stuff. I lived like this for a while until I embarked on a journey to intentionally discover and understand myself better. And I can tell you things haven’t been the same – it’s just been transformational. I’d learnt more about myself within just months into that journey than I ever had my whole life (ok! I am serious here).
Someone once said that there’re two main days in our lives – the day we’re born and the day we discover why. Taking the self-discovery journey, I strongly believe, is essential if we’re going to live a life of purpose and fulfillment. It’s in this journey that we begin to learn about why God put us here as well as the gifts, talents, abilities and potential He’s put inside of us to accomplish our purpose here on earth.
In this article, I share key points that have helped me immensely on that self-discovery journey and I believe they’ll do for you as well.
Let’s dive right in…
1. Check in with yourself regularly
I’ve heard it said that one quality that most successful people possess in common is self-awareness. In order words, they know themselves well; they understand their feelings, behavior and question the reasons behind them. They also have a good handle of their personality, having learnt how to let go of aspects of their personality that doesn’t serve them and focus on those that do.
A good place to start with regards to checking in with self is to regularly see how you’re feeling, say, every 30 – 60 minutes if there’s a deviation from what you’re trying to put in check. For example, I recall when I was working on staying clear of negative emotions/feelings, following the instructions of a coach, I’d check to see how I was feeling every hour . And if I detected any negative emotions (it normally manifested in my chest getting tight), I’d press one of my palms to my chest and ask myself where that negative emotion was coming from and then work to address the root cause. Honestly, this seemed simplistic but it really helped me to uncover certain underlying issues that were unbeknownst to me.
You can give that shot and see what kind of emotions/feelings you arrest and what issues they’ll uncover.
2. Discover your strengths, gifts and talents
One thing I know for sure is that God has deposited a reservoir of gifts, talents and special abilities in each person. And it’s our duty to identify what those are. For me, I remember having to do like gazillion different kinds of tests and exercises I gleaned from podcasts/books to find out more about my gifts, strengths and talents. It’s sad how we tend to know more about our weaknesses than we do our strengths ( if you doubt this, how about list your strengths and weaknesses – which of the list is longer? Weakness or Strength? ) . We need to focus more on developing our strengths until our weaknesses become irrelevant.
Some of the exercises/practices I did to personally identify my strengths , gift, talents include:
- outlined the activities I do very well
- followed the STAARRS method i.e. identified my Skills, Technologies (I am familiar with), Assets (I possess), Achievements, Relationships, Reputations, Strengths (this was one of the frameworks I gleaned from a podcast and found helpful)
- segmented my life into bits of decades, i.e. from age 0 – 10 , 11 – 20, 20 -30, 40 -50 , e.t.c. (that’s just an example btw I’m not up to 50 years old 🙂 ) . And then, for each decade, I reflected on the things I was good at and enjoyed doing in order to detect commonalities. Those common patterns give a strong indication of what our strengths are. For example, for me some commonalities were leading/mentoring others, reading, planning, helping others, dancing , etc. This practice I picked from a message by Pastor Rick Warren.
3. Ask family & close friends what they think
We can’t see the picture when we’re in the frame, someone once said. I found it very helpful to ask people I respected, who are close to me what they think are my strengths, gifts, talents and special abilities. The responses really were very heartfelt and overwhelming (I actually almost cried :cry ; but big boys don’t cry – you know! 🙂 ). The people around us can help confirm/affirm our strengths so it’s a good idea reaching out. This tip I pulled from the book Exceptional: Build Your Personal Highlight Reel and Unlock Your Potential
4. Explore your passions
Bishop T.D. Jakes once said if you can’t figure out your purpose then figure out your passion as your passion will lead you to your purpose. Our passion, i.e. those activities that light us up and gladdens our heart, normally stems from our interests which we must first explore to ascertain whether it warms our heart . In short : Interest -> Passions -> Purpose .
5. Actively seek opportunities to develop them
After figuring out your strengths, gifts, talents and passions it’s time to identify which ones intersect and deeply resonates with you. And then put yourself out there so you can begin sharpening your sword i.e. developing those gifts and special abilities. Once I got some clarity on my gifts/special abilities , I decided to look out for opportunities to hone my public speaking skills to get enough reps for where I’m going. Same thing for writing.
These were just some key points that have helped me in the self-discovery journey. Taking the time to do the exercises is definitely required if we’re to come up with the realization of who we truly are.
To learn more about yourself, you can also check out these books
- The Road Back To You – An Enneagram Journey by Ian Cron & Suzanne Stabile.
- The People Code and the Character Code by Taylor Hartman
Also, there’re a lot of personality tests you could do out there to help give you an idea of who you are and perhaps why you exhibit certain behaviors some of which you may be unaware of. One thing that’s worth nothing is that the personality tests only give you a snapshot of your current state. In order words, personality is not permanent. (You can learn more about this by reading Personality Is Not Permanent )
I invite you to hop on the self-discovery journey if you already haven’t. I can assure you that your life will be transformed.
What other practices/exercises have you found helpful in the self-discovery journey? :-|)
To your fulfilling self-discovery journey!!!