“Do not let the roles you play in life make you forget who you are.” ― Roy T. Bennett
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/you-what-do-living-franklin-h-ezenwa/
Quick question: Who are you? Have you ever thought about the question – “Who am I?”
- Are you your job/career title? (e.g. a Registered Nurse, a Doctor, a Football player, a Janitor, a Mechanic, etc)
- Are you your possessions? (e.g. your million-dollar rental properties portfolio, your papers in the bank, your flashy car(s), your big house with a swimming pool, your businesses, etc)
- Are you your accomplishments? (e.g. 10X #1 Bestselling Author, First Female CEO at XYZ company, #1 Top Student of the Year, Best Employee of Year, Best Boring Comedian on the century, etc )
- Are you your failures? (e.g. the one who failed launching 3 businesses in 3 years, the one who messed up multiple musicals performance, the one who missed sales targets each quarter, etc )
- Are you your role in your home? (e.g. a Wife, a Son, a Father, a Daughter, etc)
- Are you the likes, comments and views on your social media posts?
Looking at the option(s) you picked, now imagine that you were stripped of all the labels/tags that you had selected from the list above i.e. accomplishment, possessions, etc. Ask yourself the same question again – “Who Am I?” Are you still the same person, or are you now a “nobody” without that “label”? The main aim of that question is to help determine what you’ve allowed to define yourself whether they be single or multiple; internal or external.
“If you tie [your self-worth] to your career, the successes and failures you experience will directly affect your self-worth. And because we live in a society where careers are less likely to be lifelong, if we switch or find ourselves out of a job, it can also become an identity crisis.” – Anne Wilson
In the workplace setting, studies have shown that a notable proportion of workers find their identity in their job i.e. without their job, they would be a “nobody” and life won’t be worth living.[1] This is evident in the myriads of stories out there with great sports players, celebrities, executives of prestigious firms who, after their career ended abruptly due to an injury or unexpected circumstance, found themselves lost in life. They basically didn’t know who they were anymore because the one thing that they had tied their identity to and told themselves they were had now been taken away from them. Sadly, as a result of that, a number of them plunged into severe depression and in the worst cases, some ended their own lives.
Anne Wilson, psychology professor at Wilfrid Laurier University painted this picture very well when she remarked, “When you become so enmeshed in your job that it begins to define you, you also may begin to let it determine your own value. This can have disastrous effects. If you tie [your self-worth] to your career, the successes and failures you experience will directly affect your self-worth. And because we live in a society where careers are less likely to be lifelong, if we switch or find ourselves out of a job, it can also become an identity crisis.” [2]
Taking it a step back, what exactly is identity? According to the Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, identity refers to the qualities, beliefs, character, personality that makes a person different from others. To supplement that, the Oxford dictionary says that identity denotes the characteristics, feelings or beliefs that make people different from others. Those definitions are tremendously profound. I find it fascinating that those definitions have nothing to say about external, transient things such as job titles, accomplishments, possessions, roles, money in the bag, etc. In other words, by definition, identity isn’t tied to things or labels or tags; it’s the inner core of who you are. (Where then did the notion of defining one’s self by external, transient things or by a single thing come from?)
This question of identity is clearly one of the most fundamental questions we can ask ourselves. The reason being that the response we proffer to that question determines how we see ourselves, the world, the people around us, and consequently, how the world will respond to us. In addition, our identity determines our behaviors. Consciously or subconsciously, we tend to act/behave in a manner that is consistent with who we believe we are i.e. what we’ve defined ourselves by – positive or negative. There are a gazillion other reasons why this is one of the most fundamental questions we can ask ourselves but I’ll just park it all here.
If you’ve never given this topic of identity some thoughts then I’d like to invite you evaluate the label(s)/role(s)/tag(s) you’ve allowed to define you. Then ascertain whether or not those are consistent with who you truly are at your core, with who you aspire to become, and, most importantly, see if those actually give you fulfillment.
In conclusion, permit me to ask – “Who are you?” “Are you what you do?”
P.S. For more on defining your identity, be sure to check out my book “The Identity Manual: How To Define Your True Identity, Escape the Identity Crisis & Find Fulfillment”